How often do you find yourself saying, “Be careful” throughout the day? If it is too often to count, then you need to read this guide on risky play.
There is something about risky play that is so thrilling. It gives that tickle feeling in your stomach.
When was the last time you felt that feeling? Maybe it was going on a date or making a big move or going on an interview. When you felt that tickle, you were probably taking a risk.
Sometimes it pays off and you get some amazing results and sometimes it wasn’t worth your time. You only know now because you took the risk. Same goes for children.
All loving parents worry. We worry because we care. When does the worry become detrimental to our child’s development? Which fears are real and which are imagined? The processes by which we receive information creates a bigger fear than in generations past.
the difference between risk and hazard.
Risky play doesn’t take those fears and say they are unfounded. We just need to know the difference between risk and hazard.
A risk is a calculated decision involving some danger, but a hazard is a danger that the child does not see or understand.
A risk is a possibility of danger, while a hazard is the danger.
For example, an 8 month old baby may start climbing up the stairs which is risky for them, but still safe enough. If they then wanted to climb down, this would be a hazard because developmentally an 8 month old baby does not assess the risk of the stairs height and does not understand how to get down.
Also, a school-age child plays differently on a playground than does a toddler. The school-ager’s experiences have shaped their ability to determine risk and their development allows for more complex movement and thought than the toddler. Therefore, their risky play would look different than the toddler’s risky play.
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What is Risky Play
Risky play is unstructured play that is thrilling and exciting. It gives that tickle feeling in the stomach. It lets the child freely explore their personal boundaries with fear and risk. Therefore, each child’s risky play will look different.
Risky play will also look different at the various developmental levels. It is important to let the child have enough mental and physical space to determine what is appropriate risk for themselves. It should be exhilarating, but not too scary.
It always makes me think about kids on a playground. Some are climbing all over, even on the outside of the play equipment. Others are too scared to go up the ladder or go down the slide. Some children find it exhilarating to watch other children take risks. Each is engaging in their amount of appropriate risk.
Types of Risky Play
Ellen Beate Hansen Sandseter is the pioneer of risky play and her website offers many resources. She is the one that categorized the types of risky play.
1. Play with Great Heights
This is probably the most commonly associated type of risky play. This includes climbing trees, rocks, mountains, playground, Pikler triangles, couches, or even mom and dad. This type is the one most seen with toddlers. They love to climb on everything!
Click the picture to view the Pikler Triangle we bought and love! If you are looking for ways to use the Pikler without all the risky play, then check out my post “How to Use the Pikler Triangle Besides Climbing.”
2. Play with High Speed
Things that include high speed like games of tag or races, riding bicycles, scooters, boats, etc. This can also be infants or toddlers getting thrown in the air by their parents.
3. Play with dangerous tools
You wouldn’t give your young child a power tool, but how about a real hammer or how about a ceramic plate at meal time? Using real tools can include tools for building, gardening, or even eating. Some may consider some loose parts dangerous for toddlers, but with careful supervision and coaching many objects can be useful resources for learning even for the youngest learners.
4. Play near dangerous elements
This can include playing in a creek, by the ocean, or with a campfire. Maybe you have even given your child a sparkler on the Fourth of July or let them roast their own marshmallow while camping, these can be considered risky play.
Even a pool can be risky for a child that does not know how to swim.
5. Rough and Tumble Play
This includes play fighting, sword fighting, wrestling, and tickling. Note the key word: PLAY. It is not real fighting or wrestling. The difference is the child’s face and demeanor.
If they are smiling and laughing then it is play, if they are frowning, grimacing, or even crying then it is not play and it should be stopped.
Children can learn lots of healthy boundaries and social skills through rough and tumble play, especially when supported by a caring adult.
6. Play where the children can ‘disappear’/get lost.
Remember the feeling when you were younger of hiding or having a secret hideout. It is so thrilling and children love to feel this way. Playing hide-n-seek, peekaboo, or going off trail on a hike are risky play examples where children play disappear.
Benefits of Risky play
The benefits outweigh the risks when it comes to children exploring risk. Think about it like this: Do you have a better understanding of how to cook something by reading the recipe or by actually cooking the meal? I don’t know about you, but I have to cook the meal, sometimes more than once, to truly understand how it is made and what adjustments I need to make.
That is the same reason risky play is so beneficial for children. Instead of receiving the rules and limitations from adults, they experience their own capabilities and physical limitations through hands-on explorations.
In contrast, play that is overly protected and “safe” leads to children that do not trust their own feelings and instincts about their bodies. They are less confident and get hurt MORE often than children who are allowed to take some risks in their play.
Here are some of the Benefits:
Creativity
Problem-solving
Self-regulation
Self-confidence
Resilience
Understanding the world
Social skills
More active
Spatial awareness
Risk of No Risky Play
If you are a Nervous Nelly and just cannot seem to allow your children to take calculated risks independently, try reframing your thinking.
Think about the risks if you do not let them take risks. Dr. Maria Brussoni, the Associate Professor of Pediatrics for the University of British Columbia found that preventing risk-taking in children can increase sedentary behavior, anxiety and phobias. Surprisingly, children who do engage in risky play experience LESS serious injuries than children who are constantly protected from any uncertainty or risk.
So, just think your child will have less injury if they climb on the outside of the playground equipment or roast a marshmallow over a fire than if you had not allowed them those experiences. Plus, do you really want your child to inherit your anxieties or would you rather them be carefree adults?
Look, I’m a parent too and I understand the feeling of my heart skipping a beat when she climbs or tries to get down from somewhere high. If that is you, read the next section.
What to Say instead of “Be Careful”
Setting unnecessary limits or pushing children beyond their comfort level can impede the progress they make through their risky play and both are problematic. We parents need to learn to manage our own fears. One trick is to take a couple deep breaths or count to 30 before intervening to allow them the space to manage the risk on their own.
We do not leave little ones unsupervised and say “Go for it, you will figure it out!” We also must not constantly say “Be careful!”
Be careful is such a general term it doesn’t teach or help anyone out (ok, maybe it calms our fears for a second, take those breaths instead). I will admit I need to work on this one too and it really does take conscious effort. When we say, “Be careful” what we are really trying to do is help the child problem solve or be more aware of their body or surroundings. Teacher Tom has a great post about what to say instead of “Be Careful”
Backwoodsmama.com also has some great advice on what to say instead of “Be careful.”
Now that I have your heart racing just imagining all the risks your toddler is about to take, I want to end with a question. This question was posed from a friend of mine on Instagram @inspire.learn.teach
What are some of the biggest risks you have taken in life? I bet they were not physical, but I also can bet they led to some pretty amazing things in your life. Without risk or challenges we do not get to experience the joy from the reward. I challenge you to not deny your child the joy of the reward from their own risk.
Comment with your biggest risk.
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