Where Play Meets Potential
Are you at your wit’s end trying to get your toddler to listen?
Toddlers are tricky. Testing the boundaries on EVERYTHING is their way of learning. So, not listening often falls into this category.
I promise they are not intentionally ignoring you to push every button of your patience (though it often feels that way). In fact, toddlers’ brains are not developed in a way that they can understand another’s point of view and therefore they really cannot act intentionally vindictively.
It’s not always fun, but it doesn’t have to be miserable.
I’ll be the first to tell you that my toddler does not act perfectly. Even with my experience and education, I still feel perplexed from time to time. That’s because every child, family, and situation are different. The reason why they behave the way they do can change from circumstance to circumstance.
When you know the reason why they act the way that they do (in this case, not listening) you can have a much better understanding of how to support their behavior. But what about when you don’t know why or they seem to do it randomly or for no reason at all?
I feel you on that! Behavior guidance is a seriously complicated topic that some people obtain advanced degrees in and spend their whole career studying.
We are busy moms of toddlers…we don’t have time for that.
The more tools you have in your toolbox of parenting, the more prepared you will be for different situations that arise, but having too many can get confusing and overwhelming.
So, to try to make your life easier I would like to tell you the 5 ultimate tips to get toddlers to listen. I hope these tips help you out!
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Toddlers are distracted by just about everything. You may think they aren’t listening, but in reality their attention is focused on something entirely different.
Get them to look at you or move yourself to their level and in their line of view. This will ensure they are paying attention, but they still may decide to ignore you.
Maybe they don’t like what you are asking them. Be prepared for big emotions and try to remain calm.
If they don’t like what you are telling them or are regularly not listening during transitions, try to prepare them for what’s to come.
Toddlers don’t understand abstract concepts like 5 minutes, so to get your toddler to listen make sure you say something concrete like “After this (song, show, book…) we are going to clean up” or you can even show the amount of time with your hands “ You have this much time to play” and have your hands far apart or close together depending on how much time they have. Visual timers are also great for this age.
In most cases, children or adults, we prefer to have a little heads up. So, next time you think your toddler isn’t listening, check to see if it’s during a transition and maybe in reality they are resisting the change in their toddler way.
Another way to help with transitions (which also help with getting toddlers to listen) is social stories.
Social stories are simply a story about how a social situation plays out.
Ruby was having a hard time going to bed at night. She would cry and we would come in to lay with her. This was unusual for her because usually she is an excellent sleeper.
What I decided to do was make her a book with pictures of her bedtime routine. I took pictures of her during our bedtime routine, designed the pages in Canva, and then I adhered them to a blank board book with contact paper.
She loves this book so much and wanted to read it on repeat several times.
After two nights, she was back to normal going to sleep without crying.
Toddlers are learning all about the world and things that seem obvious to us are not so obvious to them. So if you want to get your toddler to listen and follow directions, make sure you are telling them what to do instead of only what not to do.
Ok, I’m going to admit I struggle with this one at times. It’s easier said than done for sure!
Toddlers only listen (or pay attention) to the last thing you say. So, if you say, “ Don’t put that in your mouth” all they hear is “Put that in your mouth.” Plus, it gives them no direction on what they are supposed to do with it instead.
When we say, “My toddler doesn’t listen” often we mean, “My toddler doesn’t follow directions.” But what if they don’t know what the direction is? You are directing them on what not to do, but you aren’t giving directions on what they need to do.
This last little tip to get your toddler to listen is probably the most important and also the most difficult to stay consistent with. Give them a direction ONCE and then follow through.
That means when you tell them to put on their shoes, you tell them once and if they don’t get their shoes on then you go to them and in a calm, but firm voice say, “It’s time to put your shoes on. Do you want to do it yourself or do you need my help?” Either way in this scenario they are getting their shoes on.
If you are repeating yourself constantly or if you say, “I say things calmly a thousand times and they don’t listen until I’m yelling,” then you are probably struggling with this idea.
I get it. We are busy and we can’t always drop everything to show them we mean business. With an infant and a toddler, it has become increasingly complex for me, so trust me I understand. The struggle is real.
But, hear me out. Try to prioritize this idea for at least a week. Think about when you give directions. Is it at a time when you can stop and follow through? Are you giving the direction just as a time filler?
Put other things aside and stop to follow through after you have given a direction. After you have given this an honest attempt, reevaluate how your toddler is listening.
Instead of waiting for your toddler not to listen to give them a choice, try starting with a choice right upfront. Make sure the choices you give them are win-win and not threatening. “Do you want to put on your shoes or go to timeout” is a threatening choice that doesn’t really solve the problem of them getting their shoes on.
Here are some examples:
Do you want Daddy or Mommy to carry you upstairs?
Which shoes do you want to put on? (Offer 2 choices)
Do you want me to put you or your brother in the car first?
Do you want to walk like a bear or a monkey to the bath?
Do you want to put away your cars or blocks first?
Sometimes the silliest choice gets your toddler to listen the best. Don’t underestimate a tiny choice and the sillier the better.
One of the tiny choices we offer throughout the day is picking her outfit for the day. Limiting choices makes it easier for them to decide and makes following directions much smoother.
Easy right? Haha if only it was that easy.
You may try one or all of these tips to get your toddler to listen and they still ignore you. Just try your best to remain calm and consistent. I know that is not always easy with a toddler that refuses to listen and follow directions.
Like I said before, I do not have the perfect toddler that always listens. Believe me all those examples were easy to come up with because they have happened to me either at home or in the classroom.
When these tools are implemented consistently and combined with respect, connection, and understanding, you will get the results you are looking for…a toddler that listens…at least most of the time.
What is something that has worked for you when getting your toddler to listen and follow directions?
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